Pumpkin Smoothie

swordboyfriend:

swordboyfriend:

Stand back, Ole Uncle Max is gonna make something delicious

Here’s the shit you need:

• Almond milk (or vanilla soy milk or coconut milk or whatever, even cow milk too I guess if you’re one of those filthy lactose-digesters)
• Canned pumpkin, just regular pumpkin, not that pumpkin pie mix crap what is wrong with you why would you buy that
• Pumpkin pie spice(s) – if you don’t want to use a spice premix just get some ground cinnamon (I said cinnamon not cassia get out of my kitchen), nutmeg, ground cloves and ground ginger
• A frozen banana (or two because I’m a fatass and I’m gonna make a shit ton of smoothie here)
• Some kind of sweetener which I forgot to put in the lineup; stevia, agave syrup, pure maple syrup, powdered honey or brown sugar are all gr8
• Vanilla extract if you want
• Not an ingredient but you’re gonna need a blender or something

Peel your frozen bananas, cut it up into 1-inch chunks or so and chuck that in your blender

Chuck in most of the can of pumpkin (or half if you are using only one banana), and a bunch of almond milk. The fuck is measuring? Fuck off with that shit!

Well okay I guess that’d be like ¾ cup pumpkin and 1 cup milk or so if you aren’t a cool enough dude to shun recipe measurements

Add some vanilla extract if you want; a small splash or half a teaspoon

Awright so normally I shun “pumpkin pie spice” mixes, mostly as they are just cassia, nutmeg and ginger and get out with this cassia shit, also where is the clove, but Trader Joe’s continues to serve me admirably.

So dump some of that tasty shit in there! It’s up to you how much you like; I love all of those wonderful flavours listed up there so I’m gonna chuck in like a heaping teaspoon. (Individually it’d be like a good shake or a little over ¼ tsp each of cinnamon, clove, ginger and nutmeg)

Add some of your sweetener. I put in about three spoons of pure maple syrup, because that shit’s pretty drinkable. You might need to do some extra blending if you use sugar or honey to make sure it gets all mixed in evenly.

Get ready to see some magic. Also make sure you put the goddamn lid on before you press any buttons

Don’t forget to give your horrible thundering howlbeast some pumpkin or something so he doesn’t eat the skin off your feet. (If you don’t have a thundering howlbeast, either get one, or thank whatever you find Just and Holy that you don’t have one.)

After the blending happens, dump that thick, creamy, pumpkiny magic into a glass and admire it for a moment. I guess you could sprinkle some more cinnamon on top or even add a dab of whipped cream or whatever, but that’s just more time you’re spending not pouring it into your face hole, so get on that already warrrrgarbl

it’s time to remind everyone about this