nerdfighterwhatevernumbers:
- I promised my firstborn to a witch and really don’t want to make good on the deal
- Well you can have them FOR me if it’s that big a deal to you
- I don’t think I could get a good price for em on the black market
- Fight me Helen
- I can’t be a better parent than Angelina Jolie so why even bother
- That’s my nindo. My ninja way.
- I literally JUST sat down
- Recite “The Highway Man” from Over the Garden Wall
- Kids? What are those? I don’t understand. What are these youOH GRAVY WHAT IS THAT!?
- Oohhh no, I’ve seen Disney movies, I know what happens to mothers
- Centipedes? In my vagina?
- *Angrily* YOU SEE!? This is just like that episode of Spongebob! *insert the plot of any episode of Spongebob in excruciating detail*
- I heard they’re.. you know.. itchy. Like, as soon as you have a kid. Just totally itchy. Everything.
- I’m an Aries
- Well, we already got an even number so.. *shrug*
- I must first capture the Avatar to regain my honor
- I’m allergic
- That’s just what the communists want!
- I’ve been dead for seven years
- Santa didn’t bring me one last Christmas, so I guess it’s no meant to be
- I’m afraid they’ll have bad taste in memes
- It would be unfair to my cat
- I’m chaotic neutral
- *long farting noise lasting at least 45 seconds*
- “I don’t want to have children, I want to stay single, and let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through the glen firing arrows into the sunset.”
Key and Teeth 