While I was typing the last post, I was doing my usual thing–pause, take screenshot, record thoughts, unpause, pause, take screenshot, rewind, take another screenshot, record thoughts, unpause, etc etc etc. I stopped at the Stevonnie border because it got a thousand miles long, and then I watched the entire rest of the song so that I could record my thoughts on Stevonnie’s problems all at once.
SO LET’S TALK ABOUT CONNIE’S PROBLEMS BECAUSE WE SURE AS HELL DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WITH STEVEN’S YET
Connie made one mistake.
Just one. Hell, it wasn’t even really a big deal; it’s as easily explained as “I’ve been taking self-defense classes and the reflex just kicked in, I’m so sorry.”
It makes her look at herself, though, and she dwells on it, and she scolds herself, and resolves to do better.
It sticks with her all day, and then all week, and then all month…
…until it becomes just one more thing she’s carrying around on her shoulders, and every time something even remotely related to it happens, that little voice in the back of her head whispers…
…Here’s every bad thing you’ve ever done…
All at once.
Over and over and over again.
Every time you make a mistake or think about a mistake or try to do something well, every mistake you’ve ever made–real or imagined–comes crashing back down on you together.
Even when you clear your head and move on, it can feel hopeless. It can feel like it’ll never stop, it can feel like no matter what you’ll do it’ll come crashing down on you again. It can feel like the brickload of deja vu I just felt spin my brain around like a top, though, admittedly, that might just be me.
But…you’re stronger than that little voice. You’re the one in control. You’re the one who decides what is and isn’t worth worrying about.
Key and Teeth 